Parents =[

I don't have a very good relationship with my parents.  When I was growing up, I was always the 'rebellious' child.  I'm quite stubborn, and so are my parents.  My parents have certain beliefs and ideals I do not agree with, and neither of us are willing to compromise our integrity for the other.  It's been that way since I was little and it's still like that.  They've softened up over the year, though.  Softened up means that they stopped yelling at me about it and just look the other way.  But ignoring a problem that constantly exists doesn't mean that the relationship is getting any better.

I just got back from my parents' house.  The first thing that my mom did when she saw me today was, again, look at my stomach, and frown and tell me that I'm fat.  (I'm 5' 6.5" and 128 lb.  Not skinny, but not fat.)  I tried not to tell her off this time, but tried explaining.  I told her that I just came back from my friend's nephew's birthday party and that I ate while I was there.  I was also on my period and was bloated.  That's why I looked fat, even though I'm not normally.  She then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't eat so much.  That I didn't care enough about how I looked.  I then told her that I don't eat often when I'm at home and so I would rather have food in my stomach when I could rather than care so much about how I look.  She then scoffed and walked away.  My feelings were deeply hurt.  Even to this day, instead of saying, "Hi!  How have you been?" her first reaction to me is "You're fat."  The last time I saw her was a month ago and judging from her reaction to seeing me, she couldn't care less.

My dad and mom went into the garage to fix up a new ping pong table they just bought.  I tried asking them how they've been doing, how church was going on for them, how work was, etc.  All I got out of them were "Same." or "I don't know."  I tried talking to my mom more, about what she was doing specifically, how church was for her, etc, but after telling me that everything was okay, she left to go to the kitchen.  I followed her in there, tried talking to her, but she told me to move out of the way because she was busy.  I was talking to my sister for a while afterwards, but then my mom started telling me that I should hurry and go because it was past 8.  "It's already past 8.  What are you doing?  Shouldn't you be sleeping?"  Telling her it was still early for me didn't get me any responses.  That was the last thing we said to each other.

Before leaving I went to my dad.  Asking him personal questions was only getting me ignored so I started talking about my car.  He didn't make eye contact with me the whole time, but at least we were talking.  He was too busy working on his new ping pong table.

I then told him goodbye, told my sister goodbye, and then I left.

I again noticed that my parents didn't ask me how I was doing.  What I was doing.  Whether or not I was happy.  How my church life has been going.  What I was looking to pursue.  During my entire life they never asked me a question that began with 'why.'  I don't understand how a parent could not care about their child.    I mean, I understand their culture and where they're coming from.  In a traditional Korean culture, everyone has to bend around the wills and wants of the father, then the sons (which we don't have), then the mother, then the daughters.  The children, especially the daughters, are expected to give complete obedience to every word that the father says.  But what I don't understand is how, as parents, they don't have that desire to know about their children.  Not about whether or not the child is alive and making money, but whether or not they're following their dreams, their passions, or even what their dreams and passions are.

They never once asked me why I wanted to go into teaching.  All they would say about it was that it didn't make a lot of money.  That if I wanted to make money, I should teach at the college level.  They never once asked me why I wanted to pursue the chemical engineering degree.  All they would say is that after graduating, I'd better get a job and start making money.  They never once asked me what it is about children that attracted me so much.  All they would say that was that kids are annoying and it's not worth the money teachers are getting paid.  Everything they talk to me about would revolve around money.  Whether or not I'd make money, have money, make enough to give them money.

There was this one time when I started grad school classes I asked my mom why she wouldn't ask me how my classes were, what they were about, and whether or not I enjoyed them.  She told me, "I really don't care," and she continued watching her drama.  I really did want to communicate with her and let her know more about me, so I started talking anyways.  She said, "You're being loud," and then proceeded to turn up the volume on her computer.  There was another time, sometime after the first incident, when I asked her why she didn't ask about me, why she wasn't curious about who I wanted to be.  She told me that if she told me to do something, I would mostly likely start asking questions instead of blindly obeying, and would probably not do it anyways, and that would make her angry at me.  So instead of getting angry at me, it was better for the both of us that she just not care about what I do.

The relationship between my parents and I aren't getting any better, but not for the lack of trying on my end.  I really do try.  I always try every time I see them.  No matter how much I want to, I can't find it in me to cut them out of my life.  I'd rather try to fix it.  But a relationship is always a two-way street.  They have to want to try too.

God give me the patience and humbleness I need to see this through, and give my parents the desire to want to get to know their child for who I am, and not what they want me to be.