Depression

My depression has come around full swing.  I usually feel like there is a trigger.  Too much stress, too many classes, lost love/boyfriend, parents, etc.  But this time I can't figure out what it is.  Of course, clinical depression does happen for no reason.  I tend to make it my mission during my depressed states to figure out what is wrong and fix it so that I can be happier.  But this time nothing is wrong.  Nothing is different.  I'm in the exact same state as I was in a year ago.  Given that, I should be just as happy as I was back then.  Maybe happier.  I got over my quarter-life crisis that was bugging me back then, so what's wrong?  And that's the problem.  That nothing is wrong and I'm still depressed.  I'm completely unmotivated to do anything.  Go to church, go to work, clean, eat, etc.  I have suicidal thoughts almost everyday.  My doctor had prescribed me antidepressants months ago, but I refused to take them.  Mostly because I have this notion that if something is wrong in my life I can fix it.  But there is no fixing it this time because there is nothing wrong.  I did visit a therapist a while back, but I'm not the type of person to talk my troubles away.  The only point to talking about something is to figure out exactly what the problem is and get external input into how it can be fixed.  Back then, I knew exactly what my problem was, and the therapist didn't give me any original ideas on what to do.  I declared therapy useless.  So now what?  Should I start taking the meds that the doctor prescribed me?  I don't know what to do.  And I wish someone would magically appear in my life and make it better for me.

Shitty Week

I've been having a pretty shitty week.  Been feeling bad mentally and physically.  Small things going wrong, one at a time, all piling up on me.  Nothing is going to be resolved for a long time, which makes matters even worse.  Today was the last straw with my car not working right.  Can't even know what's wrong with it until Monday afternoon/evening, and won't be able to drive it until then.  Fuck you life.  Fuck you.  It was about time.

That Name

My name is Jeen.

It's spelled slightly odd, but that's due to my newly immigrated parents not knowing how to spell properly.  Most people should have no problem being able to spell my name.  Famous 'Jean's' are Jean Grey (X-Men), Jean Piaget (scientist), and Jeanne d'Arc (or Joan of Arc).  I'm sure there are celebrities named 'Jean' but pop culture is not my strong point.  'Gene' is also a common spelling, but are mostly spelled this way for males.  Also don't forget the pair of pants we wear everyday: jeans.  So when I get my Starbucks coffee and they ask me for my name, there are some that I expect, and others that just surprise me.

Here's a compilation:
Jeen
Jean
Gene
Jeanne
Geen
Gean
Tean
Jeeane (When in doubt, add more 'e's'.)

And today's new addition to the list:
Sheen