I know I've had a very speckled past, full of grief, misery, and wrongdoings. My parents weren't the best of people, and definitely weren't great parents. But there are many things that I'm thankful for.
First off, I know that I remember more of the bad things that happened than the good things. So here are some of the good things that I'm trying to remember:
1. They bought me a piano. And piano's are expensive, and they bought a pretty good cheap one. Even though I didn't really like playing the piano, and I was kinda forced into playing it, the fact that they spent that much money on me says something.
2. They sent me to private school for four years, from K to 3rd grade. Of course, this was was when they had enough money to send their only daughter to private school. After my sister was born, it was straight to public school for me. I hated the school. The teachers were indifferent, the kids were indifferent, and everyone was so self-righteous. (It was a Catholic school.) (I did make a friend there.) But my parents sent me to that school because they didn't want me badly influenced by the public schools around me. We used to live in the ghettoest parts of Richmond, CA, which is the ghettoest city in the East Bay, which in itself is the ghettoest part of California.
3. When I did go to public school, and through God's love and grace, I was able to go to one of the best public elementary schools in the district. My mom actually had to do a small fight with the school to get me in, too.
4. My dad got me a bike. And roller skates. I loved to roller skate, and I would just skate in circles outside our apartment. My dad's kind of forceful, though, and because, according to him, I wasn't learning the bike fast enough, he took off my training wheels prematurely and scared me into not riding it ever again. (Until high school)
5. They got me a lot of stuffed animals. Of course, most of them were free, and hand-me-downs, or a dollar. But usually they'd show me several, and I got to pick one that I wanted.
6. They got me a lot of toys. Again, free, and hand-me downs, but none of them were old and used. They were all very new-ish. They would never give me something old and raggedy. I got blocks to play with, small toy cars, etc. One time, and I distinctly remember, they went to Toys R Us, just for me. I got to pick out a lunchbox (because I hated my pink Barbie lunchbox which was old, smelly, and a hand-me-down). I don't remember what I picked, but I also remembered they bought me a toy. Pretty on the expensive side for them, too. It was a Barbie set, the one that was on TV commercials. It had a sink, and a shower with a working shower head. Of course, it came with clothes, and stuff. I remember the things that I loved most about the toy. I wondered what Barbie's hair was really made out of. For the first time, I figured out how velcro worked. I never figured this out, but I took the set apart trying to figure out how the shower head worked. You would put water in the sink, press a button, and the water would come out of the shower head.
7. I never lacked in clothes or in food. Every once in a while, my mom would bring in a trash-sized bag full of clothes that were donated. All for me. I could pick out the stuff I wanted to wear, and discard the ones I didn't want. It was like shopping, almost. Of course, after my sisters were born, the amount of clothes I could get for myself shrunk. And although we didn't have much money, there was always enough food for seconds and thirds, and if I was really hungry, for even more.
8. They gave me swimming lessons. For years, they paid for swimming lessons, all the way up through middle school.
9. They always bought me whatever it was I needed. Of course, I was honest, and only asked if I really needed it and couldn't get it on my own. My sister, on the other hand, would yell her head off screaming that she needed everything, whether or not she did need it, and of course my dad bought her everything. (She's so spoiled.) Of course, my dad and mom would constantly complain about the lack of money, but if I really did need something, especially for school, I would always get it.
10. I grew up with my distinctive, rebellious-like, curious, questioning-authority personality, which I admire in myself and admire in others. Of course, my parents tried to crush, and often beat this out of me, which would do only the exact opposite of what they meant to do. But without their oppressive Korean nature, I wouldn't be the me that I like.
11. I have survival skills (which sometimes I wish I didn't need to have). I know how to get the best quality out of foods are are super cheap. I know how to budget well-enough to get by on my own. (Started being financially independent at 19.) I know how to read legal documents and know how not to unknowingly sign my life away. (Starting in high school because my parents were tired of trying to read English they didn't understand, so they made me do it.) I tough things out and push through situations where a lot of other people would break down. Of course, I do break down from time to time, but compare my life with an average Joe and you'll know what I mean.
12. Most importantly: I grew up in a Christian home. It was a far cry from a decent home, Christian or not. I grew up in a church where kids bullied more than at school and people got secretly raped BUT, at least I was able to know who Jesus was from the very beginning. Honestly, it was through my mom that I think our household was blessed more than it should have been. My dad wasn't a Christian until much later, but if my mom didn't put in her all, and trust in Jesus to pull us through, I don't know what could have become of us. My life would have been definitely much worse off than it was.
So thank you. I know you guys weren't the best parents. In fact, oftentimes you guys weren't even good parents. But I'm alive. I can take care of myself. And I love Jesus. And that's more than enough. It doesn't mean I'll stop complaining about my childhood, but thank you.
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