Greatest Fear

My greatest fear in life:

Abandonment

Many times throughout my life I have been or have felt abandoned.  Abandoned by significant others, so called friends, mother, father, sister.  My fear isn't to grow alone.  I'm quite comfortable with that idea.  Being alone means that there would be no one to leave me.

So this is why I may seem emotionally distant.  It's difficult for me to open up and form connections, because eventually I see everyone leaving me.  Even my best friends will get married and leave.  Perhaps this is why I don't like staying in one place for too long.  I don't want to form roots and settle down.  I feel like if I were to, everyone else around me will get up and leave.  This is also why I tend to sabotage extremely good relationships very early on.  Because it will hurt more later rather than now.

This is also why I've grown even more fond of the church and God.  Because even if everyone else leaves, God won't.