Schools vs. Homes

I used to be a 'bad kid' back in elementary school.  Keep in mind that I went to a Catholic school until the third grade.  Their standards were very strict, and kids with 'behavioral problems' needed to be 'fixed'.  So I was one of those kids.  I supposedly didn't follow directions, didn't pay attention in class, acted out inappropriately, etc.  I can't remember all the times I got sent to the principal's office.  I also know there were several times my teachers had to arrange a meeting with my mom because of me.

So here's the question:
When a child acts out, does he or she have a behavioral problem that needs to be or can be fixed?

Here's my answer:
There's nothing wrong with the child.  (Unless there's something physically wrong, such as brain damage or something.)  Everything else is wrong.  The child is not.

We have to remember that children are very different from adults.  It's something that we forget all the time when dealing with them.

They are naturally curious about the world around them.  They were born that way.  It's a human instinct to want to know more about the world around you.  Especially in babies and children.  So when a child asks an off-topic question, why is it we try to shut them up?  Why do we want to curb their interest?  What makes us want to keep them from speaking their mind?

They are not born with an inherent moral sense of what's right and what's wrong.  Morality is subjective.  It differs throughout different cultures.  So when a child does something 'bad' at school, such as punching a kid or stealing someone's lunch, he or she isn't doing it thinking, 'I know this is bad but I'm choosing to do it anyway.'  Sure, school teaches this as 'bad actions' but in the kid's point of view, 'bad' is only when you get punished for it, so if you don't get caught it's not 'bad'.  Whatever action a kid does, it's completely possible that at home these things are completely normal and part of their everyday life.  Especially in the huge melting pot the US is, we have to understand that every kid will come from a different background.  So why are we punishing kids for being raised in a bad environment?  Why are we punishing them for having a different moral compass than the rest of us?

Everyone has a different personality.  It's been this way since forever.  Yet at schools, nearly all the teachers try to have their students have a single, distinct personality.  They only commend children who answer questions in class.  They only praise students that are willing to talk in large group settings.  They only like students who eagerly try to make friends with everybody in the classroom.  Basically, extroverts are praised, and introverts are told to do better.  Why do we do this?  What makes one type of personality so much more appealing than the other?  It's not like extroverts make a majority of the population, either.

I can go on and on, but there's one more issue I want to address:

Parents lie.  Often.  Especially to teachers.

"I'll promise to try to make my child do their homework."
"I'll make sure he never touches another student again."
"I'll make sure he goes to class on time."
"There's nothing going on at home.  He just acts out all the time at home, too."

Children usually learn by example.

They see their parents always playing games or watching TV.  They don't do anything except tell the kid to do their homework.  Why should they listen?  What's motivating them to obey their parents?
They probably see their mom or dad hitting someone all the time.  If the parents can do it, why can't they?
They probably see their parents always late to work, late to meetings, late to church.  If it's not so important to be on time in the real world, why is school any different?

This last one is a bit important.  This, I believe, is a huge lie told by parents all the time.  There's always something going on at home.  If a kid acts out, there's a reason why.  But let's skip the details and save them for another time.

So here's the really big question:
What can we do?  What can we do to help these children?  Giving them detention, making them write lines, even corporal punishment cannot help these kids.  What can we do?  CAN we do anything?  As teachers, what is it we can do inside a classroom that will help these kids?  Outside of lessons and classwork time, we probably only have a couple hours a day to help a student out one on one.  Is there anything we can do in such a short amount of time that will really help these kids in a way that will last a lifetime?