Weird dream on Wednesday night 1/16/13:

The setting was in the show Merlin.  Arthur was still a prince and Morgana took over as a tyrant Queen.  However, I didn’t know who they were really.  As in they weren’t Prince Arthur and Lady Morgana, but they had their faces.

The queen had taken over the country and I was part of the rebellion.  The prince was under her command and was doing what he was told, although he was trying to fight against her, too.  She was taking away everything that was dear to us in our childhood such as our stuffed animals.  One of the scenes I distinctly remember was that the soldiers would tie up our Crayola crayons loosely in a red string and drag it along the floor.  The crayons were very big, or I was very zoomed in.  They passed through everything as if belonging in another dimension and could not be touched or stopped.  As the crayons were being dragged away, all the color in the world went with it.  The goal of the queen was to get rid of anything that would spark creativity, and therefore art was banned.  It was the prince who had led the Crayola seize.  He came back to the hideout and I confronted him about it.  He said he couldn’t have done anything because he was just following orders. I punched him and told him to get his head together.  He was the prince and he could change the command as he wished and he didn’t have to be under her control.  He told me that it was actually a guy named ‘Bourne’ who had come up with the idea to seize the crayons and therefore take color out of the world.  The queen had just laughed and let him do as he pleased.

As a small form of rebellion the prince had brought with him a small cardboard shoebox sized box with plastic wrap covering the open top.  On top of the plastic was written in olive green pesto an exclamation mark and a question mark.  It seemed that the punctuation marks were mostly scraped off since it looked more like a short line and a half-formed hook.  I knew this was very important because one of the marks represented one of the siblings.  It was going to help us win the revolution.  I was going to guess that the exclamation mark represented the prince and the question mark represented the queen as I was waking up.

At some point in the background of this dream I had this urge to give the prince a gift I had wrapped up in a box, although I have no clue what was inside.  I never got around to doing it, but there was some form of urgency because he needed to open my gift before he opened any more.  It was for his birthday.

About the dream:

This was still a time in my life when I felt trapped.  I felt trapped in the place I was living in, the job that I had, etc.  I felt trapped because life wouldn't let me go where I wanted to go.  I had just quit grad school, and it had been just a few months since I ran out of my parent's house.

Prince Arthur represented my childhood.  Along with childhood came imagination, creativity, and the capability of becoming whatever you wanted to be.  Options are still open, happiness could be found everywhere.  The queen represented adulthood.  She took over, and the prince had to choice but to cave in. When we grow up, we find ourselves in places we can't avoid any longer.  Doors have closed on us.  Our infinite possibilities have shrunk immensely.  But not by our choice.  Time does that to us.

At that stage in my life, I was looking for a way out.  And that shoebox represented my freedom.

That odd sensation of giving him a gift was because I really wanted to see this particular guy and had a present in mind and everything.  No, I never got around to giving it to him.  I probably never will.

But thank God that that stage of my life is over.  I do feel free now.  As long as I rely on the hands of God to  be there for me instead of trying to make it out on my own, opportunities just start to open up for me.  Such as the whole teaching thing.  God's gifts are always better than we could imagine.  He just wants us to rely on Him is all.

Future Husband

These are some things that I'm looking for in someone I would like to marry.  It's highly possible I may never because, according to many friends, my standards are way too high.

I've had my fair share of boyfriends, and every time, I find an aspect of a guy that I would need to have in a future husband of mine.

Starting with the standard appearances and background:
-  Must be Asian (preferably Korean because of the culture and food)
-  Preferably taller than me, although same height-ish is okay, too.  A bit shorter is also okay.  Too short, or too tall is weird.  And awkward.  And also painful to the neck region of the body.
-  Preferably good-looking, must be above average.  (Around a 7 of 10 on my scale will do.  It's not the guy's looks I'm worried about, really.  It's my future children's looks.  I want them to be pretty.)

Now we have the important, what's-inside-the-mind-and-heart part:
-  Must be a good Christian, devoted to Jesus above all else.
-  Must be intellectually compatible with me.  I need someone that will be able to hold conversations with me on topics that I'm very interested in, such as Psychology, Chemistry, Physics, modern-day technologies, and philosophy on controversial topics of the modern day and in the Bible.  I don't want to debate with him, I want to have a conversation.  There is a big difference.
-  Must be responsible over himself, his money, his future, and me.  Nowadays, even when people get married, they both expect the other to be responsible solely for themselves.  People often don't understand what it is to be responsible for the other person you're marrying.  He has to be willing to be responsible for me, my actions, and my consequences, and I have to be willing to be responsible for him.  As for the money issue, it doesn't matter if the person does or does not have money now.  If he isn't responsible, he will lose what he has, and if he is responsible, he will earn what he deserves.
-  Must be active and initiative.  I used to have a boyfriend that would love to plan out his future.  He would plan and plan and plan for hours.  His hobby was planning things.  And that was all he had.  I don't plan too much.  There is no need to have more planning than is necessary, because when I plan something out, I take action.  I like to go through with something that I have in mind, and when I decide not to go through with it, or when I can't, I scratch the plan and make another plan which I do go through with.  I need someone more like me and less like my ex who would talk about things he wouldn't dare to try.
-  Must like watching good TV shows.  Watching shows is still a big addiction of mine, and I'm not kicking it any time soon.  I would love to have someone who shares at least a part in this craze of mine.  And I put the word 'good' in there because my idea of 'good TV' doesn't really match the major population.  I'm not modest, so I'll put it out there:  I think it's because most people don't have the intellectual capability of comprehending the majority of the details that go into TV shows.

Almost Caught on Fire

I was drying my hair with my hair dryer.  I just got out of the shower.  The wires in there have been loose for a while.  I have to jiggle it in a particular way and hold down the button in a particular position for it to work. Suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I see a bright orange while I heard a simultaneous 'pop' sound.  I looked at the hair dryer, and there was smoke coming out of it.  I panicked, and put it down.  I have a carpeted floor, by the way, and my laundry basket was nearby.  There was another sudden 'pop' with another burst of orange with even more smoke.  Afraid that my clothes would catch on fire, I decided it was worth burning my finger to turn the hair dryer off.  As I was turning it off, there was another burst and another pop.  But now the hair dryer was off.  And my finger wasn't burnt.

Good news:  My apartment didn't catch on fire.

Bad news:  I don't have a hair dryer anymore.  From the "My Hair" post, you know how obsessed I am about my hair.  I don't have any way to dry it.  I'm quite upset.

Side Note

I want to add a side note that everything that I say in here is completely from me, and are my ideas.  I have not taken them from anybody else, and if I did, I will quote them or make a reference to them somewhere in the post.

Hypocrisy (Post #1)

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.  That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
- Brennan Manning

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm -- neither hot nor cold -- I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
- Revelation 3:15-16 (NIV)

The subject of hypocrisy is such a big deal and covers nearly all aspects of our life, so I'm dividing my thoughts on hypocrisy into many smaller posts.  I don't know how many, exactly.

For now, I'm going to focus on the hypocrisy of Christians.  Most of us are hypocrites.  (Everyone is a hypocrite in some aspect, but I'm focusing on Christianity here.)  Hypocrisy doesn't necessarily mean that we praise God on Sundays and then go back to our daily sinful lives.  Hypocrisy can just be something small, such as saying we love Jesus yet not showing that love to others around us.

"By their fruit you will recognize them.  Do people pick grapes from thronbushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit."
- Matthew 7:16-17 (NIV)

"Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs.  Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it."
- Mark 11:13-14 (NIV)

Jesus curses the fig tree, not because He was upset he couldn't eat any figs, but because he was making an example of what he would do to lukewarm Christians.  If we are trees, we must bear fruit.  We are Christians, we must show that to others.  It's not an effort we must really make, either.  Sure, we should focus on helping others and showing love to others, but if we really are true believers in Jesus, if we truly love Jesus, then this love will come out of naturally, just as trees bearing fruit is a natural cycle.

Nearly all of us became Christians in one of two ways: We were born in a Christian family or we came to Jesus Christ in the times of our greatest struggles.  Many people who are still Christians when born into it came to truly believe in the power of Jesus through a great struggle.

When in the midst of the struggle, we seek out Jesus for help for ourselves.  We need Him to help us.  And that's great.  That's what Jesus wants.  He wants us to look for Him through everything, not just when we need help.  But we naturally seek out help when we are so down in the dirt we can't seem to get up on our own, and that's what Jesus uses to get our attention on Him.

How long has it been since then?  A year?  Two years?  Three years?  More?  Are you still in that same situation, where all you do is still ask Him for help?  Are all your prayers about yourself?  Jesus, I need your help doing this.  Jesus, please give me this, please give me that.

If you are, you must recognize that you are like the fig tree that doesn't bear any fruit.  Yes, you believe that Jesus if your Savior.  Yes, you believe in His almighty power.  But if you truly love Jesus, if you truly understand the greatness of His power, then you would have faith.

"He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
- Matthew 8:26 (NIV)

Do not worry.  Right now, everyone is in the midst of some need, some struggle, something we need help with.  It is okay to ask for Jesus for help.  But there is more to this.  You must have faith that Jesus will provide.  Stop worrying, because Jesus will take complete care of you.

"“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.""

- Matthew 6:25-33 (NIV)

Always pray.  I'm not saying you shouldn't pray about these things.  But before, during, and after praying, have faith that God will provide.  Have faith that He will take care of all your needs, and focus on having more of Jesus in your life.  More of His love, more of His wisdom, more of His compassion, more of His grace and mercy.  Pray that Jesus will open up your eyes, ears, and heart, and see everything around you in His light.  Then, as a true follower of Jesus, as a fruit tree in His garden, you will come to bear fruit that is pleasing in the eyes of God.